So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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