They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
