i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
