The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
