he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
