I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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