she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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