You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize