i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
