I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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