I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
