I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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