i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Two words: blizzard sex
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
