dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
