im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
