I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
