So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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