Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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