I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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