Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
