I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So. Much. Porn.
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