The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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