I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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