we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
