just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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