The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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