i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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