why im i the only drunk person in the library?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
