My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
