Cold hands, warm shart.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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