just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
