mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
