I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
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Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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