Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
