She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
