she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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