Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
