did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
