end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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