I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
