I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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