there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
