I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
