how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
