I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
tell me about the fingering
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