I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
