So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
