So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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