sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had sex on a dog bed..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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