people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
