Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
