As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
