i already hear my dad disowning me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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