i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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