My first STD was from a foam party
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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