when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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