He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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