It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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