omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
