Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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