My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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