i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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