You smell like stripper and shame
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
