he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
try to milk me bitch
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
