And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
