your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
