he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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