is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
there was a trapeze. enough said
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
