They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
