Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
