Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You ate ashes out of my bong
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
