Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There are leaves in my underwear?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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