i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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