We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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