saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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