Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
