Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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