Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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