using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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