my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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